Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
