I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
