I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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