and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
