at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
