Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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