he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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