Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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