I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
