Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
