i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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