his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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