So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
