Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
