I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
