i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
