He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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