Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
