Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
