god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
