how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You ruined the universe
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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