she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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