just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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