Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
