My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
