Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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