You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
