Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
