Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
