you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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