I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just invented taco cereal.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize