Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
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I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
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Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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