i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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