I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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