I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
