I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
