Duck Duck Cougar?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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