K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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