I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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