we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
