I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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