actually, I'm a sock model
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
