you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
