mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he was CRYING into my vagina
You're like the curious george of whores
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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