What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
