Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
