just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
