I think my vagina is haunted
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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