I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
