so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
