I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He passed out mid-signature
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
