Umm I'm too high to move.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize