I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
