I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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