I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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