I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
