Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
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