I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
