wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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