In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
