smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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