Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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