sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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