even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
