Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
