this beer tastes like vomit already
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Come on in and take your pants off
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
