I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
