pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
