I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
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if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
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You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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