I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
