will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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