Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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