i think my tv is drunk
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
